At this moment I can’t even say anything to anyone about all the possibilities and craziness rumbling around in my head and heart. We were called this morning about a brand new infant – a half-sibling to Kristi and Austin – that will need a permanent home. We had said “no more” several years ago, and in Montana we couldn’t have taken any more anyway (Montana will not license new families if there are already 7 children in the home). I never seriously considered the prospect of taking any more foster children. We finally got the last ones potty trained! And my youngest can finally do his own seatbelt. And we don’t have to take enough bags for a month any time we want to leave the house. And we get to sleep all night. And we don’t have to clean a billion bottles every day. See? There are so many reasons to decide that we don’t want any more foster children.
But then…
When the friend/social worker calls and says, “there’s a baby” my very first thought was not “we couldn’t possibly” but “do I still have the crib?” The possibility of a tiny, needy bundle cradled close to my chest is just too wonderful! The grip of teeny tiny fingers…the reflexive tongue sucking while they’re asleep…the super-smooth skin…the amazing moments as new realizations dawn in the little eyes…I love it all! Except the potty training. But otherwise, it’s all awesome in the original sense of the word.
I’m rambling all over the place here…but I have to get all this stuff out of my brain so I can continue with my work day.
This baby has two half siblings in our family, and one half (I assume) sibling in another local family. We don’t yet know which family, if either, that this baby will go to. I don’t want that other family to be broken-hearted because they don’t get this baby, but the more I think about all of it, the more I want this baby in our family.
There are plenty of families in Montana that want/need babies, but we have seen even in our own home that the bond between biological siblings is more than just proximity. Fancy and Dale, Kristi and Austin – they are birth sibling pairs, and each pair has a different connection to each other than they have to the other kids. That doesn’t mean they get along better, but they have a different innate understanding of each other. For these precious children who don’t have a history, that connection is important. Kristi and Austin often talk about their birth parents, and they tell each other (made up) stories about their birth home. That bond is important to them. I hate to think about another family that is waiting for a baby not getting this one, but I also feel strongly that a home with biological siblings is important for children in this situation.
I’m eagerly awaiting the phone call from my friend/social worker. I am preparing myself for her to say, “the baby will be going to the So-and-so’s home,” but I’m hoping she says, “Can you go to Great Falls today?”
One more note – we are no longer licensed foster parents. Since we were maxed out in our house we let our license lapse. That’s not a big issue because know what’s involved in getting license, and we’re already more than halfway there. I don’t think we would have had the phone call if there was an issue with us getting re-licensed.
Why hasn’t she called yet?
I need to stop obsessing about this and get back to work.
But I have to go to Missoula this afternoon. Do I need to stop at Wal-Mart for baby stuff, or not? Is it a girl or a boy? Does the baby have a name already? Does he/she have special needs? How big is this precious baby? Does this baby, in fact, have a reflexive tongue-suck? His/her big sister Kristi did not. Where is that beautiful, crocheted blanket we got when we were expecting Nathan?
Okay. I really must get back to work!
This is crazy.
Why hasn’t she called yet?
